A great deal of suffering occurs when our minds and bodies become disconnected:

     1) We lose touch with what we feel and what we want.

     Our bodies are constantly responding to what is happening in our lives. For example, if someone surprises us, our eyes widen, our heartbeat increases and our muscles tense. These various physical reactions come together in emotions, which send us vital messages about what we need to do to care for ourselves.

     When we feel anger, our bodies may be telling us that someone is crossing our boundaries, or we have a need that is not being met. At the same time the energy of anger prepares us to defend ourselves or to stand up for what we need. When we feel fear, our bodies are telling us we need to be alert. Feeling sadness encourages us to turn inwards and gather strength, while feeling disgust tells us to turn away from something we don't want.

     Experiencing emotions can feel confusing, uncomfortable or overwhelming at times. It may be difficult to understand the messages our bodies are sending. Is our body telling us we should end the relationship we are in, or is it saying we didn't get enough sleep last night? Managing and understanding all these messages requires much gentleness and perseverance, but it is well worth it. Being a person without feelings is like being a sailboat without a rudder or sails.

     2) Depression

     Depression is often a direct result of 'putting a lid' on our emotions. All of the physical sensations and emotions we experience are an expression of the energy of our life force. When we suppress that energy, we cut ourselves off from our own vitality and may end up feeling drained and numb. This does not mean we have to immediately express everything we feel. We need to learn how to make space for our emotional experience while managing our lives effectively.

      3) Anxiety

     Anxiety is that torturous feeling that we need to pay attention to something but don't know what it is. Anxiety often arises when we are so uncomfortable with certain feelings or needs we block them out of our awareness. This may happen because we've gotten the message in relationships that some feelings are unacceptable, or that it is safer to pay attention to other people's needs while denying our own. If we continually block out feelings or needs, the energies contained in them may erupt in explosive anger, crying fits or anxiety attacks.

     Our culture feeds us constant messages that discomfort is not okay. Many of us numb ourselves with a myriad of substances and behaviors, depriving ourselves of the full lives we deserve.

     Please don't assume that your discomfort equals sickness. Give your body, and your emotions the benefit of the doubt. Do your best to tolerate, trust and value your feelings, even if you don't always understand them.

    Below, I describe some simple ways you can reconnect with your body, your emotions, and the energy of your life.

Some Simple Ways

to Reconnect With Your Body

    You can enjoy tremendous benefits if you are willing to reconnect with and trust your physical/emotional experience. Here's a list of some of the things you can do to begin this process. All of these practices are most effective when practiced consistently over a sustained period of time:

     1) Practice feeling good in your body.

     Make a list of things you can do which make you feel good without negative consequences. Include external activities, like taking a shower, or going for a walk, and internal activities, like reciting a prayer, revisiting a positive memory, or bringing to mind someone you love. Set aside time each day to engage these activities and gather new ones. Notice how it feels! Use the resources on this list when you feel stressed.

     2) Tune in to body sensations.

    Sit someplace comfortable. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” Bring your attention inwards, to the sensations you are experiencing in your body. Notice heat or cold, tension or relaxation, numbness or feeling, stillness or vibration. Practice being with comfortable and uncomfortable feelings.

     3) Practice mindfulness: resting your attention on the physical sensation of breathing

     Find a quiet, undisturbed place to sit. Practice bringing your attention to the physical sensations of breathing in your diaphram. It may be helpful to start by taking several deep breaths. Notice the soothing quality of the in and out breath, like a wave washing in and out of your body. If your attention wanders, bring it back again and again to the relaxing sensation of breathing. Over time, your attention will develop more ability to rest with the breath.

     4) Exercize. Do yoga, tai chi, or chi gung. Visit a massage therapist, Rolfer or other body worker.

    All of these are wonderful ways to have a positive experience of being in touch with your body. Notice how you feel after these activities. You may not be used to experiencing strong physical sensations. Practice letting yourself experience and tolerate all of these feelings.

      5) Refrain from habitual ways you numb your body.

      We have countless ways of numbing our bodies as a way of coping with stress. We may even confuse numbing with “feeling good.” These “compensations” may include alcohol, cigarettes, overeating, television, obsessive thinking or spending hours on the internet.When you feel tempted to engage in numbing activities, pull out your list of resources (#1). Try one. See if you can an establish a new habit.

    6) Practice listening to your body and heeding its messages.

     When you experience a strong emotion, practice noticing and “holding” it, as if you were cradling a baby. Notice that you can experience it without being overwhelmed or acting it out. Put a name on the emotion you're feeling. Is it happiness, disgust, interest, fear, love, anger, shame, sadness, hurt, jealousy, or some combination of these? There may be times when it doesn't feel safe to feel an emotion. Notice how you can put it aside and let it emerge later when you do feel safe.

    What message is this feeling sending you? How can you honor that message?

     Participating in therapy can help you understand what your experience is telling you. If you'd like to try therapy give me a call. I hope the information here is genuinely helpful. Good luck!

     Lee Scher, MA offers individual counseling for adults, adolescents and elders in Denver and Boulder. For a free consultation please contact Lee using the info below:

Lee Scher, MA Psychotherapist